My Immortal - Commentory and Translation
by AvadaKedavraAndAMagicPen
Summary: Ever wondered what the worst fanfiction in the world actually says? Well here is your chance! But I couldn't resist adding my own imput into this aswell.
1. Chapter 1

**My Immortal**

Original Written by Tara

Translation Written by AvadaKedavraAndAMagicPen

Comments by AvadaKedavraAndAMagicPen

I know this has been overdone but I seriously need to get out my options and help people read it to marvel in its... Uniqueness...

Original:

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

Translation:

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it? Because I'm gothic ) to my girlfriend (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666, for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Justin you are the love of my depresing life you rock aswell! My Chemical Romance rock!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red ends. It reaches my mid-back and I have icy blue eyes like limpid tears. A lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if you don't know who she is get the hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: Is it good? Please tell me thanks.

Comments:

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)(**no I don't) ** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(what's wrong with that?) **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **(This had a beta!?) **U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2!** (Justin Bieber? That would explain a lot)** MCR ROX! **(Annnd now they are ruined for me)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(so your parents knew that you woule have black hair when you were born?)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(Not even possible, they can't be clear and blue) **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(I doubt it highly)** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(Sadly, I know who she is so it looks like I'm sticking around to kill more brain cells)** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(Yay! Everyone loves incest.)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(How do you bite people?)**I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England** (Scotland) **where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **(Not in England)** and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink** (Pink? How "goffik")** fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **(but your skin is already white)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(1. I didn't need to know that 2. What happened to uniform?) **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(Not possible) **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Solves all life problems)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Draco Malfoy... Shy? His father will hear about this!)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(What a great ending to a great convosation!) **

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(It's not good)**

**Well I'll update probally tomorrow so look forward to that!)**

**Love you all!**

**Stay beautiful ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! Here's another chapter for you read :D enjoy!

Original:

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Translation:

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz to 'bloodytearz666' for helping me with th chapter! BTW preps stop flaming my story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven this is you!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Good Charlotte. They are my favorite band, besides My Chemical Romance.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Comments:

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **(I worry about her so much)** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **(Ahh the weird weather that hogwarts obviously has)** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Just lying around from last time I sucked someone's blood with my normal teeth)** My coffin **(everyone sleeps in coffins!)** was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **(Pink is not gothic) **velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **(poor ears)** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **(Oh good lord)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(Wait wait wait?! She grinned, flipped her haire THEN opened her eyes) **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation**(your skin is already white)** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(Did she actually say Oh My Fucking God or did she say Oh em ef gee?)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(Calms yo tit's woman she asked just you a question)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(How do you say hi flirtily?)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. **(You didn't guess)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(Yep a muggle band would totally play for a wizard crowd in a wizard village)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(She is just killing My Chemical Romance for me)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(Can't breath?)**

**Did you enjoy it? I planned on only doing one today but I thought why not? **

**Thank you all.**

**Stay beautiful ;) **


End file.
